Jan. 2nd, 2007 11:22 pm
chthonya: Eagle owl eye icon (Default)
Well, love memes are better than hate memes any day, but both leave me rather queazy.

So, one person nominates all their friends, or a group of friends nominate each other. I'm not comfortable doing that - don't all my friends know I love them anyhow? (Maybe they don't. Should I be making that more explicit? But that feels like brownnosing. Does it look like brownnosing? Does it matter? Does anyone care what I do anyway?) Seemingly my friends aren't comfortable doing it either (or maybe they really don't like me?) so I never get namechecked on these things (but it would be worse to be mentioned and have no-one reply, wouldn't it?). That makes me slightly peevish at all the aforementioned mutual mentioning, but if I don't nominate anyone, why should I resent others playing a game I choose not to join? Probably easier not to be mentioned because then I don't have the anxiety of trying to return the favour. Probably easier just to make a point of not participating so I don't have to worry about it (apart from this nagging feeling that I'm slipping away from fandom or that fandom is slipping away from me). But if I don't participate, how can I expect to feel involved? Darn silly, really. The only reason my name get mentions anywhere is because of a fic that I've updated at the rate of a chapter a year for the last two years. Need to get of LJ and go write some fic instead of fretting about fandom popularity (or lack thereof). But if I stay off LJ to write I miss things I won't know what's going on and won't have time to comment, not that I have much of that now (so it's no wonder I don't get oodles of comments (or is that because I don't write slash?)) and I'll be even more out of it than I feel already... And if I make this public or write this at all, will people think it's a plea for inclusion? Is it, in fact, a plea for inclusion? On balance, I don't think so - surely it should be possible to comment on ambigious feelings about fandom activities like this and reclist nominations without it being fishing? It's so hard to draw the line... But no, the hassle would outweigh the egostroke (or am I just saying that), or more likely, any mention of my name now would not feel genuine, so pre-empting it (pre-empting what? No, I'm not saying that anyone who reads this would feel obligated to rush off and publically love me, at least I certainly hope they wouldn't) feels more solid.

Argh. Bloody ego. ;)

Oh, and flist? I love you.

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